Wednesday, 28 June 2017
Will today be the day that sees justice prevail? Will the anxiety felt by the families of those that died, by those, who like me climbed out of that hell on earth as well as those affected in other ways, be banished forever?
Awaiting the news from Warrington, I am nervous, apprehensive and at a total loss of understanding as to where I am at emotionally.
Will I be angry, will I be sad, will I be happy or will I have no apparent emotion at all? Will I want hugs and company, will I want isolation or will I have no idea what I want?
That scenario is today but it hasn't just been today. That's the emotional rollercoaster ridden every second of everyday because you never know when a trigger will happen, when your mood will swing or where that will take you.
This journey has been a journey of almost half of my life - I was a week shy of my 29th birthday when I went to see the Reds tonk Forest. The journey hasn't all been bleak as friendships have formed that otherwise probably wouldn't. There are also positives to be taken from never giving up, campaigning to get the Truth out there and succeeding.
There are also many people out there who are barely thought about in the emotion of Hillsborough - the families of the survivors. Some people, including myself, have been lucky enough to have the support of a loving family throughout this journey - thank you all. Some however were not so fortunate.
Today's announcement, whatever it is, for me will simply be another set of crossroads on the journey. Which road is taken and where it takes us is as yet unknown.
Justice for the 96
Saturday, 8 April 2017
Not Guilty! and The Guilt That Never Goes Away
"Get over it." "It's time you moved on." I wish it was that easy.
For many years I thought it was just me. Feeling guilty for climbing out of Pen 3, physically unscathed, when all around me there was mayhem, injury and death.
Over time I have met others who survived that hell on 15th April 1989 and I realised it wasn't only me. I've seen my feelings written down more than once, the latest time this very morning, but they were written by others, not by me. People who by a sheer twist of fate found themselves in midst of this carnage caused by the failings of many.
On 26th April 2016 I sat with my wife in the calm of Hillsborough Oaks and listened as the inquest verdicts were announced. I was relieved and emotional that they'd got it right. Us fans were exonerated. We were not guilty. I wish we didn't have to live with the absurd guilt of survival.
This month is hard and over the next week it will get harder. If you know someone who like me escaped that hell hole please be there for them in which ever way they need. It will be difficult and different for each of us and we cope in our own way. We have done for 28 years.
Justice for the 96.
Justice for all.
We Never Walked Alone.